The Blackout Bible

This is a different kind of format than I've used before, but it's something that's been on my mind since my Pastor used the phrase "Blackout Bible" in church on day. This entire work, except for the real verses, is entirely facetious; however, there is a meaning behing the satire.

"Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools." Romans 1:22


Mr. and Mrs. Smith stood back and admired their average house. There was nothing in their living room that stood out from another- everything was a non-offensive monotone gray. Never black and white- some people didn't believe those should exist, and they wanted to make everyone comfortable here. Pastor Brown was coming to dinner tonight, so they made a traditional thanksgiving meal; a little turkey, a little corn, a little stuffing, and a little dessert. He would be pleased.
After supper Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Pastor Brown retired into the living room, with a soft fire blazing in the back. The Pastor walked around, admiring this and that, until he got to a book. He picked it up approvingly, and brushed the dust off the untarnished cover, and gave his hosts a knowing look. "You guys do an amazing job at keeping up with the trends. I'm so glad I can see how much use you all have for this book- as we all know how fashionable it is to keep one of these, it is a complete waste of time to spend even a moment reading this. You have your heads screwed on right."
His finger brushed down to the edition neatly scrolled onto the cover- Blackout Bible, 21st edition. "Again, I don't know how you guys do it, but this is the newest version that all the churches base their religion on. I'm so glad that they narrowed down what was in this book to the easiest way to live, and I completely agree with the word they kept in here- love. After all, who are we to tell others how to live? I mean, it's not like anybody reads this thing anyways."
Mr. and Mrs. Smith nodded in agreement. "We go around and do our best to dispel the belief that there is anything called sin. Such and ugly word, such an archaic belief! We have found a long time ago that people just don't want anything to do with hearing that they are wrong, so it would simply be offensive to rub their "wrongdoings" in their face. The old saying 'All roads lead to Rome' must have started from some truth, I would assume!"
"Ah yes, but now you're implying that there is such a thing as truth. We all know that saying something is true, implies that the opposite is false, and that is potentially upsetting. For instance, if I tell you that shooting someone is wrong, and you want to believe the opposite, who am I to tell you you're wrong? After all, the newest version of the Bible eliminated all the potentially offensive words and phrases; we all just need to follow the remaining word. Love." Pastor Brown shook is head, deep in thought.
Mr. Smith jumped in. "Exactly. Telling people that your belief is the only right way is like the pot calling the kettle black- I mean, did even Jesus say to take the speck out of your eye before you take the mote out of your brother's? And then He turns around and says 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father but by Me.' Not that I have actually read that or anything- we prefer our own versions- but to me, that sounds pretty narrow. I think parts of the "Bible" must have been miss-interpreted along the way. A loving God would never do that. He would never allow people to get hurt. Somebody must have missed it along the way, dropped the ball or so to speak."
"Some people would say 'dropped the fruit'." laughed the Pastor. "I mean, they claim that out great-great-great-great-so on and so forth grandparents messed everything up- again, talk about narrow! That's how they explain that whole "sin" word. Not like I paid much attention- it has no bearing on today's society. I think that the best way to go is the path of least resistance. I know last year's version of the Bible included a verse like "Wide is the gate, and easy is the way that leads to God", or something like that. Now they think it's offensive to us the word God, but if it's so easy, why couldn't He just forgive us? I've heard my grandparents say that the answer was in the rest of the Bible, but obviously that wasn't important, or our society wouldn't have gotten offended."
In the end, Pastor Brown and Mr. and Mrs. Smith all came to the same conclusion- "I'm so glad we live in such a highly sophisticated intellectual society. One would think we were gods."


Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6
Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned- Romans 5:12
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. Matthew 7:14